Just Write Already…

So the thing is, I don’t write. Not because I can’t. It’s just because…I don’t know. I just won’t. Who writes anymore? I mean aside from the random Facebook rant or snarky tweet who really needs to write? I mean if you can convey a something humorous, educational and snarky in 140 characters you win the internet every time.

Well apparently, we should all be writing something. The other day I was browsing job posting and one of the requirements was to submit a writing sample. Say what? Why? Isn’t my cover letter a writing sample? Ha. I wrote it! Needless, to say I’m annoyed, so I text a friend whose former job was in career related things. She assures me that normal and that I can just submit one of the blogs I wrote on my last job. I literally LOL. No seriously, the thing is on my last job I was SUPPOSED to write blogs. Like it was in the job description. Could I have done it, sure! However, I am a super talented top notch delegator! So my graduate assistant was studying creative writing… DING! You know how the rest of that story goes (Hey Peter!) I was in that position for a few years (which was far more than blog writing by the way)  and I never wrote a blog post. I edited a few, uploaded a few, but never quite wrote one.  It didn’t help that the grad assistants were always creative writers. I always told myself I would write something one day and then I’d convince myself I couldn’t write. I’m not a writer. I’m an imposter.

I have multiple degrees which means I’ve had to do my fair share of writing and have been told on numerous occasions that I write pretty well. I always nod and say thanks but assume that’s just something you say to people to be nice because what else do imposters assume? So here I am years later and the last thing I can honestly think that I wrote that wasn’t a cover letter of a script for a presentation is my final paper during my grad program. I can’t attach that. It’s like six year old. So did I write something? Ha! No. I just didn’t apply for the job. Bloop their loss!

A few months ago, I posted something on Facebook about wanting to be more involved in the Movement for Black Lives but not knowing what to do. At the time I was a new stay at home mom and struggling with what to do next. I’ll tell you about that another time, assuming I get the courage to write again after this! Some friends shared some great ideas and organizations to get involved in. One friend suggested I start a blog. My insides cringed. I thought no way, who would want to hear what I have to say. I’m not smart enough, I haven’t studies enough. What if I say the wrong thing? Everyone will know that I don’t know what I’m talking about. All of that passed through my mind in a nano second and before I knew it, I had responded that there are enough smart writers out there who are doing it really well. I’m not needed in that way but I’ll figure out how to use my talents. This is a very common thread I see in my life when it comes to my “talents.” I always shut them down.

In my mind, I’m my own biggest fan but the truth is I’m more like my biggest critic. My husband is hands down my biggest fan and the reason I wrote this today. He is always in such disbelief when I doubt myself saying things like, “But you’re the smartest person I know.” Listen, I know he is partially required to say that but I can also tell when he means it. UGHHHH! He’s so sweet.

Now, some of you have already picked up that I suffer from imposter syndrome. YEP. TOTALLY. I KNOW. So that’s exactly what I’m doing here. I’m writing to undo the harm I’ve done to myself which friggin sucks. So I’m committing to writing something once a week. Not for a job or as a career but as a way to overcome an irrational fear I have of being a fraud. I’ll write about anything I want so if you want to come along for the ride, I encourage you to do so selfishly for my own sanity and maybe every now and then yours too.

Oh hell…I have to push publish…oh hell….here we go.

 

Disclaimer: I kept telling myself to go back and edit this. I haven’t as you noticed. It’s been three days and I won’t read it. I know that once I begin editing it I will edit it until I decide to delete it. So I’m sharing it in it’s raw form so that I actual get over myself and share it. So in other words, forgive my oopsies.